Photo by Fred Rosenberg

Child and Teen Grief

Communication about death, as with all communication, is easier when a child or a teen feels that s/he has our permission to talk about the subject and believes we are sincerely interested in his/her views and questions. Encourage him/her to communicate by listening attentively, respecting his/her views, and answering his/her questions honestly.

Every child is an individual. Communication about death depends on the age and their own experiences. If s/he is very young, s/he may view death as temporary, and s/he may be more concerned about separation from loved ones than about death itself.

It is not always easy to "hear" what a child is really asking. Sometimes it may be necessary to respond to a question with a question in order to fully understand the child's concern.

A very young child can absorb only limited amounts of information. Answers need to be brief, simple, and repeated when necessary.

A child often feels guilty and angry when s/he loses a close family member. S/he needs reassurance that s/he has been, and will continue to be loved and cared for.

A child may need to mourn a deeply felt loss on and off until s/he is in their adolescence. S/he needs support and understanding through this grief process and permission to show his/her feelings openly and freely.

Whether a child should visit the dying or attend a funeral depends on his/her age and ability to understand the situation, the relationship with the dying or dead person, and, most important, whether the child wishes it. A child should never be coerced or made to feel guilty if s/he prefers not to be involved. If s/he is permitted to visit a dying person or attend a funeral, s/he should be prepared in advance for what s/he will hear and see.

Family Grief Support

A six week Family Grief Support group with an expressive arts component will be offered in the Nelson area in October 2007. A child grief support group and concurrent parent/guardian support group will be facilitated by specially trained Hospice volunteers. The group is open to children ages 5-9 who have lost someone through death. Pre-registration will take place in September. Parents/guardians must self-refer to the group. There is no cost to attend. Please contact the Nelson office for more information at 352-2337.

Nelson and District Hospice Society would like to thank the Osprey Community Foundation for their generous funding of this program.

The following are useful links on children's grief and bereavement issues.
Hospice Net - Children   
    
Topics on this site include:

• Talking To Children About Death
  Helping Young Surviving Children
  When A Parent Diesl
  Children and Grief
  Helping Teenagers Cope with Grief
  
• Compassion Books - Grief Resources
  Over 400 resources to help children and adults through serious illness, death, loss, grief and bereavement. Reviewed and selected by knowledgeable professionals

• This Battle Which I Must Fight - Cancer in Canada's Children and Teenagers - Public Health Agency of Canada
  This book is the product of financial contributions from several sources and countless hours of volunteer work. Dialogue with children and teenagers with cancer and their families greatly contributed to and guided its content. This enthusiastic support reflects the importance of the book's message that considerable success in treating young people with cancer co-exists with the seriousness of this disease."

• Nat'l Academies Press, When Children Die: (2003), Table of Contents
  
• Buddha Net has a good section on talking to children about death as well as children's grief. buddhanet.net/r_talkcn.htm

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