" ...I
feel very fortunate to have been able to take the Hospice volunteer
training program. After ten classes with an array
of wonderful teachers, I have more and better skills to help
others deal with the complicated practical, social and spiritual
issues surrounding death..."
~ S.H
Grief Support
The drop-in grief support group previously offered on Monday evenings at the Gordon Road Wellness Centre will be replaced in the Fall of 2011 with a new format. Please note, the drop-in group is now closed. In its place, we will be offering a 6 week grief support group for anyone who is grieving the death of a loved one.
Co-facilitated by trained Hospice volunteers, the group is a structured, safe and confidential environment for individuals to explore their grief, regardless of when the death occurred. You are not expected to participate in anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.
We have also donated a number of new books on living with a terminal illness, dealing with the death of a loved one for men and women, as well as hospice/palliative care to the Nelson Public Library. Look for our "sponsored shelf" during your next visit.
Nelson & District Hospice Society would like to thank all our funders, past and present, for their generous support which allows us to meet the needs of the community by offering a variety of services.
Grief
Grieving When people grieve they are coming to
terms with what has changed in their lives. At the same time, they
are beginning to find new ways of going about their lives to cope
with the sense of emptiness that the loss may have created. This takes time and is affected by things such as the significance
and manner of the loss and what kind of previous experiences the person has already had. It is not
unusual for grief to be felt over an extended period of time, even
up to several years.
The body's response Although each person grieves
in his or her own way, following a
loss, the person generally feels stunned or distressed with shock.
The human body releases chemicals, such as adrenalin, in response
to shock. These are to help with thinking, alertness and coping
with pain. The person may have physical reactions such as sleeplessness,
difficulty in sitting still or concentrating, loss of appetite,
stomach upset, or even chest pains (which should be checked by
a doctor). Often people can feel numb or as though they are on "automatic pilot".
They may do normal activities but not feel connected to the real
world. Involving oneself with physical activity may be helpful.
Thoughts and feelings People who are grieving experience a whole range of thoughts and feelings that can feel all mixed up and may even oppose one another,
for example, relief, guilt, laughter, anguish, and anger. This
storm of emotion comes and goes over time and varies with individuals as they are confronted with reminders of what they have
lost. Loss of self-esteem and confidence are
common. Others may feel like they are going "crazy", as if everything is out of control. Talking about grief, sharing one's feelings, and/or creating a ritual to honour the loss can reduce the sense of isolation.
Initially In the beginning, most people are in a state of disbelief. Seeing the body and having a funeral
or a memorial can play a significant part in the lessening of the shock. The fact that people often cannot
believe that the death has really occurred can be useful in protecting
them from being overwhelmed by such a huge change in their lives.
Three to four months after the death This may be a particularly difficult and challenging time. Society's expectations are
that bereaved people should be over their grief by now and "back to normal". But often this is when the reality of the death
is truly sinking in. The chemicals which support the body after a severe
stress are starting to wear off, and the support of friends begins to wane. Bereaved people often go through a very
painful time emotionally when there is the least support.
Coping Many people may find they automatically expect things
from the past to go on, and they may struggle to keep some of these things going
for a while. Gradually people begin to face the gaps, the emptiness, the loss in
their daily lives and begin to relate to what their life has become. They
start to create a new life for themselves while continuing to mourn what they have lost. Usually,
this part of the journey takes alot of effort, emotion and
energy. Sometimes the bereaved do not
look after themselves and they may have little energy to reach
out for what they need. Compassionate listening and practical help
may be useful.
Later Most people start to
recognize they are having more frequent and longer times when they
feel more energy and hope. They often recognize they have successfully
survived a difficult time in their life and feel stronger. They may
notice their memories are not as painful for as long. The length of time it takes to
make this adjustment varies, beginning in the early weeks and
perhaps lasting up to several years.
